


From the Beginning

by anniesardors



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Dating, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:33:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29738076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anniesardors/pseuds/anniesardors
Summary: When an injury at work leaves Hailey with retrograde amnesia, she has no recollection of Jay or their relationship. It's up to Jay to remind her who he is and help her fall in love with him all over again.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 34
Kudos: 161





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! A big thanks to the anon on Tumblr who requested a fic involving some short-term memory loss! This fic is loosely inspired by a fic I wrote about 5 years ago for a different fandom where the main character gets retrograde amnesia and the two of them have to find their way again. So, writing this was like a trip down memory lane. It is going to be a mini fic, probably like 5-6 chapters, so stay tuned!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

The hard plastic back of the waiting room chair digs into his spine, but he barely processes the pain, too focused on what could possibly be happening behind the ER doors.

What is happening to Hailey?

Just mere hours before, everything was fine. They were laughing with each other and she was teasing him about being old because he said he did not want to go to Molly's that night with the rest of the Intelligence Unit. In reality, he did not want to go because he really just wanted a quiet night with her, but their friends did not need to know that.

It was a good day before it all went to hell. They had been working a double homicide case and when they got a potential location for their main suspect, the whole team quickly geared up. He shot her a sweet wink, the same look he has given her every time they have gone out into the field since they started dating. A look that said, "I've got your back."

But, nothing would have prepared any of them for the trap they were walking into.

GPS from the suspect's phone and car led them to believe that the man in question was hiding out in an abandoned warehouse. Quietly and carefully, the Intelligence team canvassed the building, splitting up in pairs of two to clear the area and find the man.

Only their suspect was not there, but the gift he left for them was.

They were barely in the building for two minutes before a homemade bomb went off.

The homemade device was in a large, empty room and created quite a blast. Kim and Voight were thankfully in another part of the building, but it knocked Adam, Kevin, Hailey, and Jay off of their feet. It took Jay several seconds to register what had happened, his ears ringing and dust clogging his airways. As soon as he was aware of the explosion, he immediately started yelling out for Hailey.

He got no response.

She was just a few feet away, laying on the ground, her body bloodied and ashy. She was closer to the bomb than he was and clearly took a harder hit. When he made his way over to her, he saw she was still breathing, but she was unconscious. Jay had no idea the extent of her injuries or if she had hit her head.

The next few minutes went by in slow motion. Kevin and Adam slowly came to and rushed over to help with Hailey. Jay did not dare move her, for fear of a spinal injury, but he held her hand and ran his hand through her hair, whispering to her that it was going to be alright.

But now, as he sits in the waiting room, staring at the ground, with most of his unit around him, all he can wonder is if it is really going to be alright.

Jay, Adam, and Kevin all had to be checked out for injuries, but it was clear that Hailey was the worst out of all of them. Jay and Kevin walked away with nothing more than a few scrapes and bruises. Adam fell back pretty hard and injured his arm. He had been in a treatment room since the moment they arrived at the hospital, with Kim by his side for support, but they knew he would be more than fine.

Hailey, on the other hand, was not as lucky. They still had no update.

The only thing on Jay's mind is the fact that he cannot lose her. Not after everything, they have been through and most certainly not like this. She is the most important person in his life, the person who makes him smile in the morning and the person who he sleeps next to at night.

She is the girl he is going to marry and the future mother of his children. She can't die.

They have only been together for six months and they have not even told their friends yet, but everything in him knows that Hailey is it for him. He knows he will not survive losing her.

It feels like years have passed by the time Will comes into the waiting room. Jay shoots up like a spring, practically racing to his brother, desperate for word on how Hailey is.

"She's awake," Will says quickly, reading his brother's look of concern.

Unlike their friends, Will found out about their relationship within the first two weeks of their getting together. One night when Jay was staying at Hailey's apartment, Will Facetimed his brother to catch up, but he immediately took notice of the fact that Jay was not at his apartment. It only took a few seconds for him to put two and two together and realize that he was with Hailey at her apartment at 11:30 at night. After a few minutes of teasing, the two detectives came clean about their relationship.

"She's stable." Will continues as Voight and Kevin come to stand behind Jay. "She's got some pretty extensive bruising and her shoulder is broken. There was some internal bleeding, but Dr. Marcel said she did well in surgery and he got everything under control."

"That it?" Kevin asks. It's clear that there is something Will is not telling them.

Will sighs. "She's got a nasty concussion." There is a pause as Will focuses his attention on his brother. "I don't want to alarm you guys, but she's got a mild case of retrograde amnesia right now. She doesn't remember a lot prior to the accident."

"What?" Jay's voice is hard, filled with concern, with fear.

"She'll get her memory back though, right?" Voight questions.

"She should," Will says calmly. "We've seen this happen with bad head injuries. Sometimes it just takes a few days for everything to come back."

"But what if it doesn't?" Jay asks. He feels a hand come to rest on his shoulder, Kevin's, but he just stares intently at his brother.

Will shakes his head. "Right now, we just focus on what we can do to help her."

"Can we see her?" Voight cuts him off and Will nods.

"For a few minutes. Just be aware, it might be overwhelming for her. So, go slow."

The walk into the emergency room feels miles long. Somehow, his mind is simultaneously numb and running at a million miles an hour. He sees a few doctors and nurses that he knows and they all have sympathetic looks on their faces, but he cannot find it in himself to care. All he can think about is Hailey.

When he sees her in the hospital bed, his heart skips a beat. She is connected to practically a million wires and there is a heavy amount of bandaging on her head and arms, but to Jay, she has never looked more beautiful. Despite it all, there is still the familiar glow of her blue eyes and the soft warmth of her smile. She looks like his Hailey.

"Hey, Hailey," Will says softly. "I've got some people who want to see you if you're up to it."

She gives a small nod. "Did Will warn you guys that I'm struggling in the memory department?"

Jay lets out a dry chuckle, happy that at least her personality is still intact.

Voight steps forwards with a nod. "That's alright, kid. All that matters is that you're okay. You gave us quite the scare."

Hailey nods again, a blank expression on her face, and it is clear that she is a little uncomfortable because she is basically in a room with four strangers. Voight must catch on to this because he takes a moment to reintroduce all of them.

"I'm your Sergeant Hank. That's your friend Kevin and your partner, Jay." He says, motioning to the two men in the back.

"Best friend." Kevin corrects him. "I'm actually your favorite person at work."

Normally, Jay would argue with Kevin on that, because he thinks he has proof that he is actually her favorite person, but he can't find it in himself to do anything but stare at her. She looks like Hailey, but she feels so different.

"Good to know," Hailey says with a soft laugh. "And partner? Like work partner or-"

"Work partner," Jay says quickly and he wishes they were alone. It feels like he is lying to her because they are so much more than work partners, but he knows that this is not how she would want all of their friends to find out. So, he keeps his mouth shut.

She purses her lips together in a straight line, shaking her head as she processes the words, gazing up at the strangers in her room.

"We'll let you get some rest, kid," Hank announces. "But we'll come to check on you, don't worry."

"Thanks." Hailey smiles. "I appreciate that. Hopefully, next time I see you, my brain is working a little better."

As they start to walk out, Will grabs Jay's arm and whispers "Stay" before turning to the other two cops.

"I'm going to keep Jay for a second to talk over some treatment items for whenever we release her. But I will give you guys updates as we get them."

Kevin and Voight don't argue, waving to Hailey, Jay, and Will before slipping off to the waiting room.

Will turns to his brother and whispers. "I thought you might want a minute with her. Maybe tell her the truth." His brother raises his eye knowingly, a teasing tone in his voice, before he leans over to Hailey and tells her he will be back in a few minutes.

"You my babysitter now?" Hailey calls out, forcing him to turn around to see that familiar smirk on her face.

It is so strange. She looks the same, but her memories are gone.

"No, I just-" He can't find the words to explain it all. To explain the fear of almost losing her today, the pain of seeing her in this bed, the overwhelming terror at the idea of her never remembering him.

How does he tell her that all of that when she does not remember him? She does not remember the way he loves her and she loves him.

"You're my work partner, right?" Hailey asks softly.

Jay nods and makes his way over to the chair that is a few inches away from her bed. "I am. We've been paired together for a little over four years."

"You're smiling." She points out. He did not even notice the grin that subconsciously grew on his face, but he assumes it is just because he always gets that look when he is talking about Hailey.

"We're good partners." He tells her. "We work really well together."

She nods, taking in his information. "There's something you aren't telling me though."

He raises an eyebrow at her, but he shouldn't be shocked that even in this state, she is still a human lie detector. She can read almost everyone like an open book and that talent is only intensified when it comes to him.

"So, I kinda lied about the whole work partner thing."

"We're not work partners?" She questions.

"No, we are…" He explains and he can feel himself smiling again. "But, um...we've also been dating for a few months."

She doesn't look shocked by this information, but he is not sure there is much he could tell her right now that would shock her. She is currently a blank slate, so any information he could throw at her is fair game.

"Why didn't you say that earlier?"

"We haven't told all of our friends yet. Hank and Will know, but Kevin and the others don't."

Hailey just nods, studying his face. Her eyes crinkle in much the same way they do when she studies a case file and she bites her lip in the way he has come to love.

"You know, I thought the thing where people wake up with amnesia and get surprised with a super hot boyfriend only happened in the movies."

He lets out a loud laugh because the words she just said are just so-Hailey. Even if she can't remember everything, she still has that spark.

That spark that he fell in love with.

"Good to know you still find me hot." He murmurs.

"My brain is the thing that's broken, not my eyes."

He is laughing yet again and he is about to respond to her teasing when she yawns.

"You tired?"

She closes her eyes and nods, before looking at him again. "Apparently almost getting blown up really knocks the wind out of you."

He smiles. "You should get some rest."

"Yeah…" The fact that she does not fight him shows him that she truly is tired because even without her memories, something tells him that this version of Hailey is just as stubborn as the one he has always known.

"I can leave if you want."

He wants nothing more than to stay, but he does not want to assume anything. He is still a stranger to her and he is sure after everything that she has gone through, she wants a few minutes alone.

"You can stay." She says in a small voice. "At least until I fall asleep. Then you should go get some rest too."

His heart races at the fact that even when she does not know him, she is still concerned about him. He gives her a small nod, before leaning back in his chair as she tries to get comfortable in her hospital bed.

He stays until she falls asleep and then he stays until she wakes up again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot thank you all enough for your kind support for the first chapter! I am so happy you enjoyed it! I edited the outline for this fic yesterday and it looks like it is going to be longer than I originally planned (shocker) so that just means for Upstead adventures for all of us! I can't wait to go on this journey with you all!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Hailey is barely awake for ten minutes by the time several doctors are buzzing around her room, running test after test. They kick Jay out and as they do, Will tells him it would be a good time to go home and shower because the doctors will be with Hailey for the next few hours.

"You should get some of her stuff too," Will tells him, knowing that Hailey keeps quite a few items at his apartment and that he has a key to her place.

He runs home quickly, taking a shower, changing his clothes, and packing a bag for himself before running across town to Hailey's apartment. It feels strange being there without her and everything makes him miss her, the her that knows him, a little bit more.

The first thing he sees when he walks in is her couch. It makes him think of the late nights they have spent there after a long day, completely wrapped up in each other.

To his right, is her kitchen. It makes him think of early mornings as they slowly drink their coffee together and he teases her about how he thinks she is adorable before 7 am. That comment normally gets him an eye roll or a light swat on the arm, but whatever the response, he never stops telling her.

He walks through the living room and into her bedroom and of course all he can think about is the countless nights they have gone to bed together and the mornings they have woken up together. His mind thinks about more than just sleeping with her because while that has been an amazing experience, he loves the other moments too. He loves waking her up with a kiss and he loves laying down with her at night, her head against his chest, as they talk for hours about anything and everything.

Before he can let himself be further taken away by the countless memories this apartment holds, he quickly grabs some of her clothes and throws them in a duffle bag. He makes sure to grab her favorite hoodies, several of which he knows are his before he adds her phone charger, some books, and some toiletries. He gives the bag a good once over, figuring if there is anything else she needs, he can come grab it later.

By the time he makes it back to the hospital, it is early afternoon and Hailey is alone in her room. She shoots him a small smile when she sees him and waves him into her room.

"You're back."

He nods, plopping her duffle bag onto the couch. "I grabbed some clothes and stuff for you. Figured that hospital gown might be getting a little old."

"What, you're not into the hospital gown look?"

He rolls his eyes at her. "There anything else you need?"

"Just sit." She breathes out and he does as he is told, making his way to the chair next to her bed. She scoots up on her bed, grimacing in pain as she rustles under the thin blankets. "Kim and Adam came by earlier. They seem really nice."

"They are."

"They together or-?"

Jay laughs. It does not shock him that even without her memory, she has caught onto the dynamic between Kim and Adam because it is quite obvious to anyone who has eyes.

"They're complicated, to say the least," Jay explains, leaning back in the chair. "They were together and then they weren't. But I think they're finding their way back to each other."

She hums at his answer as she runs her IV-free hand through her hair. "Tell me about everyone."

Jay sighs. "Voight is terrifying. He is a good boss, don't get me wrong. But he...he knows what he wants and he's got his own version of doing things."

It's a simple enough way of explaining Voight. He figures when it all comes back, she will appreciate him not scaring her with the stories of their boss.

"Kevin and you are really close. He is honestly like the nicest guy ever." Jay continues. "He is like everyone's brother and best friend. He is hilarious too. Always cracking a joke."

Hailey smiles at the mention of Kevin. Ever since she started in the Intelligence unit, Jay knows the two of them have had a special bond, despite not working together often. It resembled the relationship of siblings and Jay knows Hailey was incredibly thankful for her close friendship with Kevin.

"Kim is...Kim. She is a good cop. She cares a lot about people. She is fostering this little girl, Mikayla. You and Kim used to take Mikayla to the park like once a month. She is a really good mom and just a really good person."

Hailey and Kim were not close at first, something Jay knows always bothered her. Hailey always told him that it was hard in the beginning because during her first few weeks, Kim was still on personal leave. Then, when Kim came back, Hailey was still trying to prove herself. Then all the things with Adam happened and then Kim was pregnant. So, when Mikayla came into the picture, Hailey made more of an effort to have a relationship with the other officer. She spent a lot of time with her and Mikayla during their days off, something that never failed to make Hailey smile.

"Adam is wild," Jay says with a chuckle. "We got him right out of the academy. He is all instinct. Definitely was born to be a cop, though. He and Kim have had this really long history, but let me tell you, the guy has it bad for her."

He leaves out the part about Adam and Hailey's own history. He figures that is a story for another time.

"What about you?" Hailey finally asks, after listening intently to his stories.

"What about me?"

"Tell me about you."

It's ironic because they never really had the "tell me about yourself" phase of a typical relationship. By the time they were dating, they already knew everything about the other. He can't think of anything about him that Hailey does not know.

Or did not know. Because right now, she does not know anything.

Which makes him unsure of where to start.

"I was in the army." He typically would not start there, but it is the first thing that comes to his mind. "Two tours and then I joined the CPD. I was in organized crime before I came to Intelligence."

"You want to tell me anything not work-related?" She smiles at him sweetly, causing him to laugh.

"What do you want to know?"

She shrugs. "You could literally lie to me right now and I would have no clue. So, this is your chance to be really cool and impress me."

He could argue that he has already impressed her enough to get her to fall in love with him, but he thinks that joke might be better kept in his head.

"I drive a truck and I like golf." He pauses as he tries to think of what else is important in his life and it becomes clear how much of his life really revolves around work. "My life is pretty boring. I go to work and I spend all my off time with you. And you don't do much besides work either so."

She chuckles lightly at this joke. "Great, so we're boring?"

"Our lives are pretty hectic up in Intelligence," He tells her. "I think we deserve some boring off time."

"How did I end up in Intelligence?" She changes the subject, still grinning from his answer.

He smiles at the question, because looking back, that day that she marched into the credit union, all passion and strength, has become one of the best days of his life. It was the day his universe flipped upside down, even if he did not know it yet.

"You were working in the Robbery-Homicide Unit and you guys crossed paths with Intelligence on a case. You told off Voight at a crime scene."

Hailey's face drops. "I didn't."

"You did and it was the best thing ever."

At the time, he was taken aback by this stranger's boldness. But, in retrospect, it was such a Hailey move. When she believes in something, she does not back down. It is one of the things he loves the most about her.

"Voight ended up asking you to work the case with us." He continues. "And then he offered you a job. The rest is history."

Her eyes stare at her hands in her lap. "I wish I remembered all of that."

"You will." He reassures her.

She bites her lip and nods, but it is clear by the look in her eye that she is not quite sure. "Everyone keeps asking me how I am and to be honest, it is a little annoying."

"Well, that's what happens when you get hurt. People are concerned."

"Yeah, well, I would greatly appreciate it if they would stop."

He smiles at her. "How about next time you don't almost get blown up?"

She snickers. "I don't remember much from the accident, but I highly doubt I was actively trying to get blown up."

A silence lulls over them as Jay thinks back to the accident. It does not feel like just twenty-four hours ago, they were walking into an abandoned warehouse, intent on taking down their suspect. Just twenty-four hours ago, she was not injured. Just twenty-four hours ago, she knew more about him than just his name.

Twenty-four hours ago, things were normal.

Oh, what he would give to go back.

"Did the doctors say anything about when you are getting out of here?" Jay asks. He knows she just said she hates people asking about how she is doing, but he is not sure if more storytelling is really what she wants at the moment, so he plays it safe.

She shakes her head. "They said I've at least got a few more days. They want to keep an eye on my head."

"Makes sense."

The buzzing of his phone in his pocket pulls his attention from her and it brings him back to when their roles were reversed and his undercover phone started buzzing, cutting off another very important conversation. He pulls out his phone with a sigh, seeing a few missed messages from Kevin and Voight.

"Everything okay?" She asks.

"Yeah…" He breathes out, pocketing his phone. "We think we got the guy responsible for-"

"Got it." She doesn't need him to finish. She knows what he is talking about. "You have to go?"

Maybe he is reading into it, but it almost sounds like there is a little bit of disappointment in her voice.

"Yeah. Adam is on desk duty and with you out, Voight needs me back. I'm sorry."

She waves her hand, signaling that it's not a big deal. "I get it. You have other things to do besides babysit me all day."

He chuckles as he stands and throws his jacket around his shoulders. "Trust me, I would rather be here." He pauses for a moment, pushing the chair away and taking a step away from the bed. "I can come back later if you want."

She doesn't respond at first, but after a few seconds, a small smile forms on her face. "Yeah, I'd like that….maybe you can tell me our story."

It is such a weird feeling, hearing her ask to hear their story. On one hand, it makes his heart soar, because every version of Hailey wants to know the history between them. But it still hurts that she does not remember all the beauty that is their story.

"Yeah, I could do that."

He flashes her one last smile before he leaves the room and he lets out a breath he did not even know he was holding. It feels like he is hit by a ton of bricks the minute he walks through the hospital doors and into the real world. He can feel the weight of all that is going on, the fact that she almost died and she is currently sitting in a hospital bed with few memories of him. It is overwhelming the idea that she might never know him in quite the way that she did before.

He shakes the thoughts out of his head as he makes his way to his truck. He can't think like that. He has to have faith, for Hailey's sake.

* * *

"How's Hailey?"

The familiar voice startles Jay, causing him to turn and look up from his spot at his desk. Voight enters the empty bullpen from the back hallway, files in hand.

"Okay. She was awake when I left. No real change." Jay tells his boss as the older man makes his way to stand next to Jay's desk. "Where is everyone?"

"Burgess and Atwater are interviewing some witnesses. You just missed them."

Jay nods and starts tapping away at his computer again, but when Voight has not left his side after a few seconds, he looks up again.

"How are you doing, Jay?"

Jay lets out a long sigh. "To tell you the truth, I have been better."

Voight lets out a hum. "I imagine it would be hard to see your work partner in that state."

Jay does not miss the way Voight emphasizes the words "work partner." It's a small jab at how Jay introduced himself to Hailey in the hospital the day before. Hank has known about their relationship since the first week of their getting together. Both of them wanted to do this right and that included being upfront with their boss, the consequences be damned. They were thankful when he told them he was not exactly surprised and he would turn a blind eye and long as they did not give him a reason to do otherwise.

"I told her we were a little more than work partners after you and Kevin left."

"I figured you weren't just there to talk about medical treatment." The older man says with a gravelly laugh. "How'd she take it?"

"She wasn't really surprised. She has been okay with me hanging around the hospital, which has been good."

It is strange, talking about his relationship with his boss. He doesn't think they have had a real conversation about him and Hailey since they were signing HR forms. But still, it is nice to be real with someone about why this is so hard.

"Look, you two are good partners. It's why I've kept you together for so many years. You two will figure this one out."

Sergeant Hank Voight is not one to sugar coat and he most certainly does not say things he does not mean, so it is clear he has faith that Jay and Hailey will be fine.

"Thanks, Sarge."

Voight gives him a nod as he walks off to his office, before turning around and calling out to Jay, "Are you going to mope when I assign you a temporary partner like you did the last time?"

He is referring to when Hailey went to New York and Jay got paired with Kim. He did not exactly complain per se, but it was evident he missed his original partner and was counting down the days until she was coming back.

Jay just chuckles. "Probably."

Voight clearly was expecting that answer by his amused huff. "Tell Upton she can't get hurt anymore. I can't handle you when she's not here."

Jay wholeheartedly agrees that this needs to be Hailey's last injury. He is a hot mess when she is not around.

* * *

It's 2:00 am by the time he gets done with work. The suspect is in custody and between the double homicide and the attempted murder of four Chicago police officers, he will never see the light of day. Tiredness seeps through Jay's body and he can barely keep his eyes open as he leaves the district. He knows that he should go home and try to get a few hours of sleep, but, as if there was a magnet pulling his truck in the opposite direction, he starts driving towards the hospital.

He has learned that time works differently in hospitals. While much of the world is dead in the middle of the night, the hospital is still full of life. People are still moving around, codes are being called, people are rejoicing and others are crying. Life inside the hospital does not stop because the rest of the world has gone to bed.

"Hey," He hears Will call out, and he turns to see the redhead making his way down the hall. Jay texted Will as soon as he left the district to make sure his brother was still on shift, hoping he could get an update on Hailey.

"How is she?" The words fall out of his mouth the second his brother is close enough to hear them.

"You got a tough one, you know that?" Will says with a smile.

He does know that. He does not need anyone to tell him that, because he has seen that she is the strongest person in the world every day for the past few years.

"Bruising is looking better and her swelling is going down. We even got her to eat something today." Will reports.

"And her memory?" Jay asks hopefully, even though he is sure he already knows the answer.

Will shakes his head, confirming Jay's thoughts. "Give it time, though. It's Hailey we're talking about. She'll be back in no time."

Jay nods, looking past his brother to the hall that led to Hailey's room. His brother chuckles, knowing exactly what, or more specifically who, Jay is looking for.

"She technically is not supposed to have visitors right now. But lucky for you, I know a doctor who works here, so I think I could sneak you in."

An appreciative smile masks Jay's face as he follows his brother down the hall. Will leaves him alone in Hailey's room with instructions not to wake her and not to get into trouble, before telling him that he will check on them in a few hours.

Hailey is sleeping peacefully, and if it were not for the wires and the bandages, he would think it was any other night. If he closes his eyes and imagines hard enough, he can transport them to her apartment and they are sitting on her bed, her laying on his chest, wrapped in his arms, and she is telling him a story that is making him laugh.

The tiredness starts to build in his bones, but he cannot find it in him to sleep. He is too focused on his sleeping partner. She looks beautiful, wires and all. He has always loved watching her sleep, something that Hailey often teases him about because "it's super creepy for you to be watching me, Jay. Like stalker level creepy."

But, as stalker level creepy as it is, he never stops.

It's because, in her sleep, she is so peaceful. During the day, she is a ball of passion and energy, but when she sleeps, she is calm and she is still. Don't get him wrong, he loves the energy that is Hailey Anne Upton, but he likes that this soft, gentle side is something that only he gets to see.

During the past few hours at work, he was able to think about something besides how terrified he currently is, but now, sitting in the silence of a hospital room, with his sleeping partner just inches away, it hits him hard how scared he is of what comes next.

He can't lose her. In the beginning, he was so scared of losing her physically, and while he thanks every star in the sky that she is here and she is alive, her memories are somewhere far away. And that is the part that cuts him like a knife.

Because her body is here and her mind is not.

Her personality is intact and that does not surprise him. If anything, it is a comfort that she is still joking and teasing with him. But, it is hard knowing that those jokes no longer hold the same meaning because she does not know him and she does not know she loves him.

Damn, she does not love him.

It makes his eyes water, the idea that, in this current state, Hailey does not love him. His heart literally beats for her, but she cannot even remember who he is. It seems like the cruelest of punishments and he is not quite sure what he did to deserve this.

He thinks back to the last time she told him she loved him. It was yesterday morning, in the break room, as he poured her a cup of coffee. He teased her about how it was her second cup before she told him to shut up. As she started to make her way out of the room, she flashed him a sweet smile before whispering "Love you."

That memory feels like it happened a million years ago. What hurts the most is the fact that he did not even get a chance to say "I love you" back.

Carefully, he leans his arms against her bed. Everything in him wants to grab her hand, but he does not want to wake her up or potentially scare her. So, instead, he folds his hands together firmly. The tears are free-flowing down his face at this point and through watery eyes, he stares at the girl he loves more than anything.

"I love you, Hailey." He whispers. "Come back to me, please."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just take a second and say Y'ALL ARE AMAZING! The feedback to this fic has been so supportive and I am just so thankful for each and every one of you. I get so excited reading all of your reviews and seeing that others are enjoying this as much as I am! This chapter is lighter than the last one (and shorter and honestly just kinda fluffy but I really like it and it sets up the next chapter.) It also gets into a bit of the detail of Hailey's amnesia (I studied a lot about memories and the brain back in college so this is all just fun for me. Sorry that I am geeking about the brain.)
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoy!

The minute Hailey starts to stir in her hospital bed, Jay's eyes shoot open. Collectively, he probably only got an hour of sleep last night, but he does not mind. The hospital chair will most certainly have his back yelling in pain later today, but he knows that if he had tried to go home, he would have gotten no rest.

"You sleep here?" Hailey asks the obvious question as she starts to sit up in the bed. Jay nods and her smile turns soft. "What time did you get here? You weren't here when I fell asleep."

"Sometime after midnight." He tells her. It is not exactly a lie, but he does not want her to know how late it was when he crept into her room. "We got the guy."

"That's good."

For a moment, the only sound in the room is the beeping of her monitors. It's strange because Hailey is almost never quiet in the mornings. Before they started dating, he knew she was a ball of energy at the beginning of the workday, especially after her coffee, but he did not quite see how happy in the mornings until they started dating. He does not know how it is even physically possible to be that happy so early, but somehow, Hailey manages to do it.

But today, she is quiet, and he assumes she feels uncomfortable being alone with him in her hospital room.

"I can go get a doctor." He starts to stand. "Or get you some food."

She shakes her head but stays silent. He takes his seat again, but he is honestly unsure if he should leave or stay.

"Do you have to work again today?"

"Yeah," He tells her. "But I don't have to go in for two more hours. And it's just paperwork so I can probably get out at a normal time."

Hailey does not respond to his words. He notices her hands are making small fists in the thin white blanket that covers her body as she stares at the floor.

"It was weird being here alone yesterday." She says after a while.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I get that you have to work." She assures him, turning her head to see him better. "I had a session with Dr. Charles yesterday. That took a while."

Jay raises his eyebrow in interest. He knew the psychiatrist was going to evaluate Hailey at some point to see the extent of her memory loss, but Will had not mentioned anything last night.

"How did that go?"

Hailey shrugs. "Last 7 years of my memory are gone. I remember some stuff before that but it's fuzzy. My childhood memories stayed intact though, which kinda sucks."

He exhales at her words, disappointed for her that the good memories are the ones that are gone and the bad memories are the ones that stayed. It's not fair.

"It's mainly my autobiographical memory," Hailey continues. She has that thinking face on, the one she uses during a difficult case, and he knows she is trying to recall all of the doctor's words. "So it's like the memories of life events and things about me. I still remember how to do things and general world knowledge, but nothing really about my current life or things that have happened during the past few years."

"So, the last thing you remember would be working in Robbery-Homicide?"

She tilts her head side to side lightly, making a so-so motion. "Kinda, not really... It's pretty blurry. I remember patrol a little better and most of my memories from before that are a bit clearer"

Jay does not tell her, but he has spent a lot of time on Google when he has not been able to sleep and he has done some research on brain injuries and memory loss. From what he can gather without a medical degree, these things are pretty complicated and every case is different. But, most people only lose a few years' worth of their memories, almost always the years closest to the traumatic event that caused the memory loss. In most cases, the memories come back, which is encouraging, but it is near impossible to predict when they will return.

"You do anything besides talk to Dr. Charles?" He asks her, hoping to change the subject to something more positive.

"Not much, honestly. I was pretty lonely all day. Will sat with me for a little bit yesterday, which was nice."

"Did he tell you embarrassing stories about when we were kids?" Jay asks teasingly. "Because that is normally what he does when you two are together."

It has always blown him away how Will and Hailey have bonded. They were as thick as thieves those two, with a common mission of embarrassing Jay in any way possible. And as annoying as it was having his girlfriend and brother conspiring against him, he secretly was glad that the two of them got along so well.

"No." She answers. "He said he would spare you the embarrassment because you had been through enough. He just told me stuff about some of the people we are all friends with."

"You learn anything interesting?"

Hailey cocks her head back in thought. "I'm friends with this girl, Stella?"

"Stella Kidd, from the firehouse."

Hailey hums. "Yeah, her. Apparently, we are quite the duo at Molly's. Will said that you are friends with her boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Jay confirms. "Kelly. All of us hang out a lot."

It had not shocked him when Hailey became close friends with Stella, because they were both firecrackers of women. Both were strong and independent and loved to have fun. They meshed immediately and it was not rare for Hailey to go out with her on a Friday night. With Jay already having such a good relationship with Severide, the four of them often found themselves drinking together on the weekends.

"They know about us?" Hailey questions and Jay shakes his head.

"I'm sure like most people they've got their suspicions. But we've been hanging out with them since way before we were dating." He explains with a smile. "You and Stella keep Kelly and me on our toes."

A small smile creeps up on her face at his words and she appears to think for a moment before she says, "I used to live with someone named Vanessa?"

Jay smiles at the mention of the young officer. "Yeah, Vanessa Rojas. She worked in Intelligence for like a year. You two were close."

"Where is she now?"

"Working an undercover op," Jay explains. "She left a few weeks before we started dating."

Hailey nods and he can see the wheels turning in her head as she tries to piece together a timetable of everything. It breaks his heart, seeing her so confused about all the details and how they all work together when he knows she is so desperately trying to make sense of all the information being thrown at her.

He reaches for his phone and unlocks it, pulling up his camera roll and scrolling for a second before he finds the intended picture. It's a selfie Vanessa forced them to take one day while they were out at Molly's. It is him, making a grumpy face, with Hailey close to his side, who is sporting a beaming smile. In front of them is Vanessa, full of joy and life.

He hands the phone to her. "That's Vanessa. She was always forcing us to take pictures because she is way younger than us and apparently young people love pictures."

Hailey lets out an amused chuckle as she studies the picture intently. After a while, she looks up at him, a glimmer in her eyes. "Do you have more pictures?"

He nods as he reaches for his phone, but she just shakes her head. Awkwardly, she shuffles on her bed, moving over to the right side before patting the empty space she created on the bed. He hesitates for a second because while he wants nothing more than to be close to Hailey, he knows that this version of her is not used to their physical contact. But still, her eyes are firm and she nods, assuring him it is alright.

He gently climbs up on the bed with her, before taking his phone to find another picture.

"That one is from Kim's birthday."

It's a picture of the whole Intelligence gang at Molly's. Kim is wrapped in a giant hug, with Adam, Kevin, and Vanessa all trying to hold her tight. Behind them, Hailey is jumping up high in order to be seen in the photo while Jay stands behind Kevin, leaning into the group.

"Looks like we were having a good time."

"We were." He confirms. "And we were quite drunk."

She smiles. "Show me another?"

He scrolls for a bit before finding another happy memory. Instead of their normal jeans and flannels, they are all decked out in fancy dresses and suits, but his eyes focus on the way Hailey is closely leaning into his side in the picture.

"It's Joe Cruz's wedding. He is another firefighter at 51."

Hailey smiles at the picture. It's her, Jay, Adam, and Kim taking a standard couples picture. Jay's arm is protectively around her waist and her head is leaning against his shoulder.

"Were we dating yet?"

He shakes his head. "Close, but not yet. I convinced you to dance with me that night, though."

"You dance?"

"Not well." He answers her with a laugh, thinking back to the way she teased him for his awful dance moves. Thankfully, slow dancing was a bit easier, though, because all he had to do was focus on swaying back and forth with the beautiful girl in his arms.

"I'm not really good either," She says softly. "I'm sure we embarrassed ourselves pretty good that night?"

"Yeah," Jay hums. "But we had a good time."

Hailey had made a joke that they would both be embarrassed, but Jay remembers being too caught up in the feeling of dancing with her to care what anyone else thought.

He swipes through a few more pictures and lands on a screenshot of a Facetime call they made while she was in New York. Every now and then, when she made an undeniably Hailey face, he would sneak a screenshot. She caught him once or twice, yelling at him playfully, saying that she was going to get revenge, which she did with a screenshot or two of her own.

In this picture, her face takes up most of the screen. She is laughing wildly while the small picture of Jay in the corner just beams at her.

"You went to New York right after that wedding. We Facetimed and texted nonstop. You used to get so pissed when I would try to take screenshots during Facetime, but I really missed your face, so I did it."

Her nose scrunches happily at the photo before she looks up at him. "I was in New York?"

"I'll explain later, but it was a work thing. It's all kinda complicated."

"Sounds like it."

He swipes at the pictures again before he finds his favorite. It is a photo they took just two weeks ago on Navy Pier. They decided to spend the night out, away from all the chaos of work, and have some time just the two of them. While they were standing on the pier watching the water, Jay pulled out his phone and tried to get a picture of the two of them. Some good Samaritan saw his actions and offered to take a proper picture of the happy couple.

In the picture, Jay's arms are wrapped tightly around Hailey as he smiles down at her. She has her head burrowed into his chest as she beams at the camera.

"I'm assuming we are dating in this one?" Hailey chuckles.

"Yeah. It's pretty recent."

She takes the phone from his hand and zooms in on the picture before commenting. "We look happy."

He just smiles at the way she studies the picture before whispering, "We were."

She looks up at him, silently asking for approval to look through more pictures. When he nods, she scrolls through a few more pictures from that night, the candid shots of the two of them trying to take one nice picture and the pictures he took of just her while they were getting dessert. He remembers that she protested that night, but now, he loves the pictures more than anything. She is laughing, putting a hand up to the camera, but in between her fingers, he can see her bright smile.

Over the next forty-five minutes, they look through countless photos on Jay's phone. He shows her pictures from early on in their partnership and she comments about how young they looked. She laughs at some old videos taken at Trudy's birthday party, close to four years ago, where the desk Sergeant is having the time of her life singing karaoke at Molly's.

He shows her pictures with them and Antonio and Al and tells her some stories about her early days in Intelligence, where the team looked a little different than it does now. There are pictures of them with Kelly and Stella, and some others with Casey, Sylvie, Will, and other friends they have from the firehouse and the hospital. He tries to help her put faces with names, taking his time to explain who everyone is.

They look through a few more recent photos, taken during their newfound relationship. Neither of them is big on photos, but right now he is incredibly thankful for the few that he has. There is a selfie she took while they were napping on one Sunday. She woke up before him and could not reach her phone, so she snapped a photo using his. Her head is laying on his chest, his sleeping face on full display.

(She blushes when she sees that photo, but Jay does not say anything.)

There are a few more pictures of various dates: dinners at Barolis and walks through the park and nights on the couch. She smiles at each one, every now and then asking for details about the pictures.

"Thank you for showing me these." She says as he closes his camera roll and locks his phone "It was really nice."

"Of course. I can show you more later if you want."

She nods, staring down at her blanket. "Maybe you'll tell me more about us later, too?"

"You sure?"

He wants nothing more than to tell her all about them, every detail from the very beginning, but he is scared of overwhelming her. It must be so hard having to relearn everything about yourself and he does not want to add to that burden.

But her eyes are so sure when she looks at him, that he knows she is ready. "Yeah." She tells him. "I can't explain it, but I feel...comfortable with you. I'm assuming it is because we are together, so I guess I want to know more about that. Maybe it will help."

He wants to kiss her right now and it takes every bit of self-control in him not to.

"Okay then." He answers softly.

He wishes that he did not have to go to work today and that instead, he could lay in this hospital bed all day with Hailey and just tell her the story about them, but like he keeps learning, life is not quite fair.

So, he peels himself from her bed reluctantly before smiling at her. "I'll be back tonight?"

Her eyes crinkle when she smiles up at him. "Can't wait."

Neither can he.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind support for the last chapter! I can't even begin to explain how much all the support has meant! I was hesitant to jump into another long support and your support makes it so worth it! I am so happy that people are enjoying this! This fic is looking like it's gonna be roughly 16 chapters, so I am excited to keep going on this journey with all of you!
> 
> So, without further ado, here is chapter 4 (a personal favorite of mine!)

He should have never told Hailey that he only had to do paperwork that day at work and that he would be leaving at a normal time because he swears he jinxed himself. With about an hour left in the workday, their murder suspect decided to lawyer up with some high power defense attorney and Voight told the Intelligence gang they would be pulling out all of the stops to make sure that this guy went away for a long time.

Apparently pulling out all the stops meant staying in the bullpen until one in the morning, going over every document for the case with a fine-toothed comb, making sure it was spotless.

Hailey was always better at inspecting the paperwork. Jay knows that he gets too caught up in the big idea to catch the little details like typos or grammatical errors, but Hailey sees them. She is the one who proofreads all of their paperwork before they submit it.

It is what makes them good partners. They balance each other out.

When he finally gets out of work, it is much the same routine as the night before. He drives straight to the hospital, he checks in with Will, and he falls asleep on the couch in Hailey's hospital room. When he wakes up, several doctors are kicking him out of the room, saying they need to run tests and then Hailey needs to have a session with Doctor Charles.

He uses that time to run home, take a shower, and eat something for the first time in close to eighteen hours.

It's Saturday, thankfully, and Voight has told the unit that unless something catastrophic happens, he does not want to see any of their faces until Monday morning at the earliest. Jay and the rest of the unit are thankful for the weekend off because heaven knows they need it.

By the time Jay comes back to the hospital, it is the afternoon and Hailey is sitting upright in her bed, cross-legged. She is wearing leggings and an old University of Chicago sweatshirt that she loves. Her hair is down and he can tell that it has been washed, the blonde locks still a little frizzy from the water. She looks calm and content, despite being stuck in the hospital.

"Hey," He whispers as he pops his head into her room. She looks up at him and smiles, ushering him in.

"I was wondering if you were gonna come back."

He chuckles. "Yeah, well apparently every doctor in the hospital wanted to spend the morning with you, so I had to leave."

"If it makes you feel better, I don't like any of those doctors. They keep poking me with needles and crap."

Jay despises hospitals with a burning passion, but a little-known fact is that Hailey is not a huge fan either. Thankfully, she is normally a little more careful on the job, so she does not have to visit Med quite as often as him. But when she does, she gives him a good run for his money on who can piss off the nurses more.

"They have any idea of when they're letting you out of here?" Jay asks as he sits down in the chair that has remained next to her bed since the first day she came here.

His chair.

"They said probably a couple more days." She says calmly. "I'll have to keep seeing Doc Charles for sessions until my memory comes back though and Will said I might need some PT."

The news about seeing the psychiatrist and the physical therapist does not shock him. He remembers after he got shot, the mandatory counseling sessions and the physical therapy that he needed to do to regain motion of his arm. It's a necessary part of the recovery process, and for his sake and hers, he just hopes it all works.

"That's good."

"Will said you'll help me out when I get released?"

Jay raises his eyebrow with a chuckle. "Oh, did he now?"

She just shrugs. "I mean, his exact words were that you were going to hover over me, but-"

There is a nervous laugh that accompanies her words and he knows that Will was just trying to comfort her, but it still hurts hearing his comment. Because, if this was any other injury, Jay knows he definitely would hover. But right now, he is practically still a stranger to her. And it is one thing spending a ridiculous amount of time in her hospital room so she is not alone, but it is another thing spending every minute with her in her apartment.

"I won't hover." He says at last. "I'll give you your space I promise. But anything you need, I'm there."

She gives a small, appreciative smile before saying, "Well, hopefully, my brain starts to work again soon so that we can just go back to normal."

He nods in agreement because he wants more than anything for things to go back to normal.

"Do you have to work today?" She asks, shuffling back on her bed, raising her knees to her chest, and wrapping her arms around her legs lightly.

"No. Voight gave us the weekend."

"That's good." She hums. "Kim said she is going to come by tomorrow and that she'll force Kevin and Adam to come with her. She thought it might be nice for me to see someone besides you."

It sounds like something Kim would say. When they were at work, she teased him lightly about how he was never going to leave Hailey's bedside during their weekend off, but the teasing only went so far, because she knew how much Jay was hurting. And because Jay quickly pointed out that she would be doing the very same thing with Adam all weekend as well.

"That'll be nice."

She bobs her head silently, biting her lip before she looks up at him. "You staying today?"

Her question makes him sit up a little in his chair. "I can if you want me to. Or I can leave. It's your call."

"Stay," Her answer is quick and it warms his heart. "At least for a little. It gets boring in here."

"Okay."

"Besides," The tone in her voice is that familiar, cheeky tone he has come to love. "You promised you would tell me our story."

He can't help the grin that grows on his face. "I did, didn't I?"

She releases her legs and lays back on her propped-up pillows, making a show of getting comfortable. "Alright. Tell me a story. And don't hold out on the details. You better make this good."

He rolls his eyes and it is not lost on him that even when she does not remember him, she still has him under her spell.

Jay releases a low breath, getting comfortable in his own chair before he begins.

"We met at that crime scene I was telling you about. The one where you told off Voight." A smile curls on his lips at the memory of a younger version of Hailey going toe to toe with the most feared police officer in the city.

"From the minute I met you," Jay continues. "I knew you were a spitfire. Voight brought you on to help out with the case and then he offered you a job with us."

"Was it love at first sight?" She teases.

"Not even close." He tells her with a laugh. "I was a hot mess when we met, let me tell you. When you started, there was this other Detective...her name was Erin. She was my old partner and we had been in a relationship. We were on rough terms and then she left like two weeks after you came to Intelligence."

"Where did she go?" Hailey asks softly.

"New York." He tells her calmly. It has been years since Erin left and the sting of the pain has dulled. He knows it was the right choice for her and he has come to terms with her decision. They have not talked since she left, but he knows that Kim keeps in loose contact with her and that she is doing well. Both of their lives worked out, just the way they were supposed to, and for that, he is glad.

"She left to work with the FBI, but she didn't tell me, so I was a bit of a mess. Within the first few weeks of our partnership, that happened and then a bullet from my gun killed a civilian child, and then I started dating a drug dealer during an undercover op."

By the way her face changes, he thinks he could have phrased that last part better. She is clearly shocked, and he would be too if he had not lived it himself.

"That's a lot." She comments nonjudgmentally.

"Yeah," He nods. "You were the one who got me through it though. You kept supporting me, even when I was acting like an ass. My PTSD was bad then, but you...you just wanted to help me, even though we barely knew each other. You pushed me to get therapy and you made me get my head on straight."

"Once I started to be less of an idiot and was getting some help, we started getting closer." He continues."We started spending a lot of time together outside of work. We would get drinks or go over to each other's place and talk. You called it our thing."

Hailey smiles at the mention of their thing. "That sounds nice."

"It was...it is." He corrects himself. "We became really good friends and things were going pretty well."

"I'm sensing a 'but' coming," Hailey says with a chuckle and she sits up from her comfortable position, crossing her legs once again.

"Yeah, there's a but." He hesitates for a second. It is the part of the story he knows she does not love, even with her memories fully intact. "There was this arson case we worked...my dad was one of the victims. He died and...I went off the deep end, Hailey. I took out all my anger on you and then I got myself shot…"

Her mouth is slightly agape, sadness in her eyes, as she listens to him recount the story of his father's death and his getting shot. To this day, he hates his behavior during that case, most of all the way he cruelly acted towards Hailey.

"I got shot and you were pretty torn up about it. You and Adam went to go get some drinks and then one thing turned into another-"

"Me and Adam?" She cuts him off and he nods. Her face does not change as she takes in the information, but he can tell by her eyes she is at least a little shocked by this news.

"From what you've told me, it was initially because you were both drunk and sad. And then, it was supposed to be just fun, but you've said as time went on, you both got more invested. We were both pretty confused about our feelings for each other at that point. You've told me that you cared about Adam, but you couldn't quite figure out what you felt for me."

"What did you feel back then?"

"It sucked." He answers truthfully. "You didn't tell me at first. It was around that time that I started to realize that I had feelings for you and when I found out with you were with Adam-"

Honestly, it felt like the rug was ripped out from under him. He knew she was free to date whoever she wanted, but there had been a little bit of hope growing in him that maybe, just maybe, she felt something for him too.

But when he saw her with Adam, it crushed that hope. Those weeks that they were together were difficult for Jay. He struggled with his still-growing feelings for her and his jealousy of his two best friends.

"It hurt." He finally says. "But we were still amazing partners and we still did our thing. And then you and Adam broke up."

He remembers a conversation they had standing in the observation room where he told her that they were good, that they would always be good. What he didn't tell her that day was that, deep down, he believed that if things were going to work out between them, they would. No matter how long it took and no matter what they had to deal with in the meantime, things would play out the way they were supposed to. And through it all, they would be good, always.

"When was this?"

"Two years ago. We had been partners for almost two years."

She nods, mentally putting together all of the different pieces into a timeline. "Then what happened?"

"Honestly, for a while, it was pretty calm. We just kept doing our thing and hanging out more and more. I mean, by this point I had some serious feelings for you, but we were really just good friends. There were some difficult cases, but all in all, we were good. We were happy."

In the weeks after she broke up with Adam, it felt like there was a new life in their relationship. They were spending even more time together, growing closer with every day. They quickly became joined at the hip, doing anything and everything together.

"And then I got shot again-"

She does not miss a beat, raising her eyebrow skeptically. "Again?" How long was it after the first time?"

"A little over a year." He answers and she just shakes her head, baffled. Now, it is Hailey's favorite thing to tease him about, so he finds comfort in this Hailey's teasing response.

"There was this case we worked where I royally screwed up and I tried to make it right by helping out the victim's wife and kid...but it backfired. I was kidnapped and you fought like a bat out of hell to find me." He tells Hailey with a proud smile. "When I woke up in the hospital, I immediately started demanding that I see you. Apparently, you never left the waiting room."

He still remembers waking up in that hospital, in pain and scared, and feeling a sliver of comfort when he saw his concerned brother standing in the back of the room. Jay had barely been awake for thirty seconds before he was asking where Hailey was, leading Will to just chuckle and go out into the waiting room to get her.

"The whole thing was really hard on you. But you said that was when you finally accepted your feelings for me. You almost told me how you felt the night I got released from the hospital."

"Why didn't I?"

"Because I'm an idiot." He deadpans her, but she just shoots him a confused look.

"My undercover phone started ringing." He explains. "And I was stupid enough to look at it and then you decided not to say anything."

She runs her hand through her hair and tucks her long locks into the crook of her neck as she peers at him. "And when was this?"

"A year and a half ago. It was about a year before we finally got together."

She lets out a low whistle. "Damn we took forever, didn't we?"

A dry laugh shakes through his body at her commentary. It is true, they did take forever, but to them, it all happened when it was supposed to.

"Yeah, neither of us was exactly forthcoming about our feelings. But after I got shot, we spent a lot more time together. After that point, we were both pretty far gone. It was just a matter of time."

Hailey nods, before scooching up on her bed, putting her knees to her chest in the same way she had them just moments ago, before silently cocking her head to the empty space she created.

She does not need to speak for him to know what she is saying. He slips out of his chair and comes to sit on the edge of her bed, keeping a healthy distance between the two of them. He turns his body towards her, his right knee slightly on the bed.

"So, then what happened?" Hailey prompts him to continue.

"You went to New York. There was this case and you didn't exactly play it by the book, so Voight sent you there to work with the FBI as a punishment. You were gone for six weeks and let me tell you, it was hell. I think I was in a mood the entire time you were gone. But we Facetimed a lot and texted all the time and it really helped us get closer."

He remembers the night she told him she was going to New York. As he looked at her scared eyes, it felt like the air was stolen from his lungs. Just as things were getting back to normal, she was leaving for New York and he was staying in Chicago. They were getting closer and now they would be separated by over eight hundred miles. It was not fair.

But somehow, it ended up being just what they needed. Before they knew it, they were communicating several times a day through texts and Facetime. And while it was not the same as when she was by his side, their partnership did not miss a beat.

"So, we got together when I came home?"

He lets out another breathy laugh. "Again, no."

"What was our problem?" The words come out as an amused laugh and there is a smile on her face.

When she left, he honestly thought that when she came back, it would happen right away. He had dreams of picking her up at the airport and telling her right then and there because he could not wait another minute. Or, in other versions, he took her to Bartoli's and told her while they did their thing.

But it was while she was gone that the world went to Hell in a handbasket and it just did not seem like the time to start a new relationship.

"Honestly, 2020 was a bit of a mess. Be happy you don't remember all of it." He jokes. "But we were still really solid when you came back. And then, you got a job offer from the FBI. That's what finally did it."

"I'm assuming that I didn't take the job?"

"No, and thank goodness for that. I was so scared when you told me about the job offer. But we got drinks that night and you told me that you didn't want to take the job because of me. You said you were better with me as your partner and that you belonged in the Intelligence Unit."

He smiles as the memories from the bar come flooding back and he wishes that she could remember what he is remembering because he knows it is one of her favorite moments.

"You told me that it had been a long time since you saw me as just your partner and I kissed you."

Her lips purse into a small smile as he tells her about their first kiss, and while he might have initially expected a different reaction, he knows that she is slowly taking this all in and this is a lot for her. He knows how overwhelmed he was at that bar and he can only imagine that she is feeling something similar.

"And after that, we started dating?"

He nods. "Yeah. It's been six months. We spend almost every night together and we eat a ridiculous amount of pizza. We're pretty lame, but we're happy."

Hailey's smile grows at his lame attempt at a joke. "What else do we do?"

"We like watching Netflix and laying in bed all day on the weekends. We drink our coffee together in the morning and sometimes we cook dinner together. On days where it's nice out, we try to go explore Chicago. We just walk around and talk all day. It's nice."

Hailey leans back against her pillows and he gives her a moment to take in all that he has told her. It is one thing to listen to someone else's love story, but to listen to your own? He imagines it is a lot.

It is hard sitting here, telling her all of these happy memories and knowing she does not feel the same happiness and sense of love surrounding them as he does. Her heart doesn't race when she thinks of their first kiss and her body does not feel warm at the thought of their lazy Saturdays.

To her, it's not her life, it's just a story. That is the part that hurts the most.

"Can I ask you something?" She says at last in a quiet voice.

"Of course."

She bites her lip for a second, staring at him gently when she asks, "Were we in love?"

It is not lost on him that she says "were we in love" and not "are we in love?" He tries to hide the disappointed look in his eye because he knows she does not mean anything by it. But still, knowing that this version of Hailey does not love him like his Hailey did...it stings.

"Yeah." He doesn't say more, mainly because he does not think he can do so without crying.

By her body language, it feels like she can read his sadness. She gives him a small, nervous nod, keeping her eyes anywhere but him when she says, "I really want to remember."

"I know. You will. I promise."

She looks back at him with a sad, yet hopeful smile and it makes his own heart skip a beat.

Telling Hailey their story was painful and messy and beautiful and exciting. It was so many emotions all at once and he honestly feels exhausted in this moment, just sitting with the many feelings. He is happy that she is starting to open up to him and that she is even willing to let him be a part of her life right now. It is not the same as before, but it is a start, and Jay will take it.

If there is one thing he knows for sure, it is that telling Hailey their story made him hope even harder that her memory would come back soon. He just wants her to remember him and all of their memories together.

Mainly, though, he wants her to remember that they are in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and kudos are always greatly appreciated! 
> 
> Chapter 5 coming soon

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are always greatly appreciated! 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr anniesardors for more fics, to leave prompts, and to talk anything upstead!


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